Another Point of View
So - on Monday I collected my new glasses!
The week before last I discovered I have astigmatism. I've not had to wear glasses before so I was keen to collect them and start seeing properly straight away.
Deirdre Barlow eat your heart out!
(for those of you old enough to remember who she is)
Point to note - I didn't realise I wasn't seeing properly in the first place. Watching the television in the evening usually caused tired eyes, my husbands vision has always been better than mine, he can see a lot further, but really I didn't have any great reason to go. I booked the appointment because I knew it had been 4 years since I last went and my body is going through SO many changes due to the peri menopause it seemed to be a good idea to check my eyes were all ok too.
So I was kind of shocked to hear there was anything wrong with my vision because I didn't feel I really had any big problems with it. I wasn't too disappointed though, in a way I was excited to ‘see’ what I had been missing out on. This made me think about how many things we ‘blindly’ continue to do without thinking much about it, maybe because ‘thats just the way we always have done them.’ OR ‘That’s just the way it is.' Wandering through life and letting it happen to us rather than making the decisions that will shift the needle.
Day 1 - When I collected the glasses and the assistant had me try them on I was astounded - literally - it felt like I could suddenly see in 3D! That deeper dimension was incredible!! If I'd not booked a test (a process of ‘looking’ at myself) I would never have known I was missing out at all. Arriving back home I was keen to start wearing the glasses around the house. Unfortunately I managed to make myself feel totally sick. Looking down at my iPad, it turned from a rectangle to a trapezoid. Wearing them was like wearing my grannies glasses when I was a child, everything felt totally skewed. Worried they'd got my prescription wrong I called the opticians and told them what I was seeing, apparently it was totally normal and it may take up to 3 weeks for me to adjust. I persevered in short bursts and took some silly selfies, obviously. Somehow I didn't feel brave enough to share on socials about them that day though. Embracing something new always takes time, courage and perseverance, and maybe a few breaks!
Day 2 - venturing outside. I wore them up the road a little bit then back past our house to put them away again safely. I didn't want to hate wearing them or potentially drop them if I took them off mid dog walk. I was also very self concious. I felt like I was in a goldfish bowl behind them and what if someone saw me? They felt as though they were squeezing my brain as they pressed against the area behind my ears and heavy on the bridge of my nose too, like I had a sinus infection. These really were going to take a lot of getting used to. Maybe I should give up and go back to mediocre visions, just bumble along how I was before? But I'd seen how much more texture and colour and depth that I could experience now, surely that was worth persevering for?
Day 3 - walking the dog. So I decided I had to embrace them and that I wouldn't get used to them if I didn't wear them. Walking down the farm road a bumble bee suddenly flew out in front of me. It seemed so bright and clear and again, like I was seeing in 3D. Then a bird flew across the road and into the hedge, I was thrilled to realise that I could still see it where it had landed in the hedge, I've often looked to try and identify the birds but they've always managed to disappear amongst the branches. Sounds silly but I felt real joy and wonder in that moment.
And so I persevered! Experimenting with driving (after I'd done the school run and the children were safely out of the car) Am I wearing them right now to type this email - YES!! And no… I've taken them off a couple of times too, after all it's just week one. New ideas take time to get used to, how we spend our times, what we learn, how we feel about ourselves, it's all a practice. What I do know is that when I've persevered with positive thinking and optimism I've made much better changes in my life than when I have been stuck in a negative spiral. That's not to say when I'm practicing positivity I don't get self doubt or fear. Some things are still scary - asking people to sign up for a newsletter for one! What if I make a ‘spectacle’ of myself!
Friday I forgot to wear the glasses at all - and isn't that just the way!! We can be told good advice, we can know we should do something that will benefit us then our phone pings, our kids need a poo at the same time, we get distracted and we forget what we were doing all together. Remember you are human, always be kind to yourself, be kind but don't use it as an excuse not to push yourself. All new perspectives and endeavours take time to adjust to. Especially when you weren't expecting a change. A new way of being can make you feel a bit sick to begin with. My mission in life is to help people feel better through the power of positive thinking but positive thinking takes practice and can often be met with resistance. Our brains need time to adjust. No body goes to the gym once and comes out looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger, you have to put in the reps and keep turning up for yourself but I promise you it is worth it, because after all, what's the alternative?
And on that note I will leave you in peace on this fine Sunday.
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